I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
