Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
