Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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