I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
