If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
