He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
