clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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