Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
