She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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