She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
