So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
