I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
