i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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