:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
