All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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