First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
