I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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