Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
