Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
