OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
