Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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