I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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