her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
