So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
