This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
