will power is for people who don't want to get laid
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
