we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
