She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
