This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
