Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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