Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
