I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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