I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
