I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
