dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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