i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
