I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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