i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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