Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
