capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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