So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
