well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
