I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
