I must be too annoying 4 u.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think I sprained my soul last night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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