Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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