9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
