areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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