Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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