drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
