i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
