Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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