Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
