I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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