i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
