i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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